ugh...

Ok, so this week has been long, hard and tiring. I have been waking up early and getting my exercise videos in eating better and yet the battle in my mind is so strong. I have to constantly fight thoughts of giving up. I want to enjoy food, eat what I want etc. Tracking my calories though has been a huge surprise to me. It really doesn't take a lot to add those calories up in a day. Watching them this week has made it no wonder why I haven't been able to lose weight all these years. I like to pack in the calories! Exercising has been nice, but I hate being sore. I actually like the tight feeling of the muscles everywhere, but the back and the neck, and the soreness I could do without. I have seemed to have a head ache every day and that has been frustrating, but a part of cutting out the sugar and caffeine. I woke up the other morning with a really irritated lower back and pelvic area. I am not sure what is going on. It is so painful. Maybe it is a cyst developing. I have no clue, but the timing is discouraging. I want to be waking up and exercising without pain, but it looks like that is going to have to be another thing I am forced to push through. Why can't it just come off? Why can't I be like one of those skinny girls who can eat anything and still be thin? Why is my metabolism so slow???? ugh.... Because effort=success. I want to feel the feeling you get from being successful. I want to be one of those girls that people are like "how'd you do it?" and be able to say it that I did it through a lifestyle change, that I didn't quit, I didn't give up and in doing so made me a stronger woman! That is why it just can't come off! I am having to work so that my character can be developed, my strength can shine through, and my dependency on Christ can deepen! ~SMH~