Tuesday, January 10, 2012

I've been hacked

Please don't open any messages that were sent out by me without a subject.  They were not from me!  So sorry.
<a name="sajexpjssr" title="" href="http://rpsolutions2.com/bu/work.php?about164.php">http://rpsolutions2.com/bu/work.php?about164.php</a>

Monday, January 9, 2012

Planning...or lack thereof!

Had kind of an ok week.  It had some rough patches, but I made it through and I have to admit I didn't do very well.  Lacking a plan is not a good thing for me.  I get up each day saying I am going to eat good today, without a plan of what that good food is going to be!  and so I end up doing just that, eating GOOD food, not good for you food! HA!  So I think I am realizing my need to get it together and take the time to plan out some good wholesome meals and plan out my workouts ahead of schedule.  I worked out 3 times this last week and spent one whole day cleaning, so I count that as a day too! ;) So, I am making little changes, but I don't think they are big enough to really make a difference.  All my pants are not fitting very well these days which to be honest is such a wake up call.  Lord, help me today.  I am an overcomer and I can do this.  Help me to plan and think before I eat.  Amen.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Weighin' In

So I got up this morning to hit the dreaded scale!  I an UP which I knew I would be.  It sucks.  I feel so awful about it.  I ran 2 half marathons this year and still cannot manage my weight.  I lack some serious self control when it comes to eating.  I weighed in today at 187.8.  For the last two years, well actually 3, since 2009 I haven't been able to get out of the 180's.  (You can look at my weights under the tab) What a reality check.  If I am honest with myself I think I go back and forth being comfortable in that weight range...meaning I get down to the low 180's start feeling good, gorge myself again until I am up and then do it all over again.  I got up and sought the Lord this morning.  That is what my change will have to be.  I have to include Him in this journey. I pray that I overcome.  I pray that I have the strength to get down to 155 this year and stay there.  I pray that I have the ability to really truly desire health.  That I begin to learn how to eat healthy and make the right choices with my foods.  I pray that this addiction would not longer be an addiction.  I pray that I would be set free from my temptation to get my "feel good" fix from food.  I pray that my mind would learn to be clear and focused.  I long to be a woman of self discipline, in all areas of my life. Lord Jesus, please help me.  Guide me, be my wisdom and show me when I am being tempted.  Reveal to me my sinfulness, my selfishness,the ways I turn to food rather than to you.  Amen.

Monday, January 2, 2012


Well, it's a new year, a new day.  I don't like New Year's resolutions that much at all, especially ones that year after year I fail at.  But, what the heck.  It is a new day and I get a fresh new start each day.

I have failed miserably at this journey of weight loss.  I have given up and given in too many times to count. I get comfortable and then complacent and then quit all together.  That's my journey.  That's what I have done year after year.  What makes 2012 any different?

I am hoping and praying that the difference maker for me this year is complete and utter dependence upon God and his strength alone.  It is so dreadfully obvious that this battle at weight loss isn't something I can kick on my own strength.  I mean, I can conquer it for a season and have little victories here and there, but it hasn't been something I have kicked all together.  I recently read something that said sugar/food addicts have a similar dependency on food like opium has to an addict.  OUCH.  For some reason that is hitting me hard this year.  As I finish up all the holiday festivities and eating binges I realize all too well that this whole sugar addiction is real.  My body and my mind CRAVE it like no tomorrow and my need for it doesn't go away until I satisfy the craving.  Isn't that truly what drugs do?

Anyways, saying all that to say I want a fresh start.  I WANT to change.  I WANT to be healthy.  I WANT to live a fulfilling life and I want to have energy and feel good.  None of that comes from eating crap.

So, again...I begin afresh and new.  Tomorrow is a new day.  It isn't a Monday, which I constantly keep saying "I will start next monday." and that next Monday keeps going by.  So, maybe by starting tomorrow, on a Tuesday something different will trigger in my mind and body.  I know what I need to do. My last successes came because I had a group that I was accountable to and a friend who helped me along the way.  This time I am doing it alone, just me and my God.  I want to overcome because HE has given me victory, because I know who I am in HIM, not only because friends around me are succeeding and pushing me to succeed.  That is great and all, but this year, this time, I really feel that it is something I have to do between me and Jesus.  I foresee the next couple of weeks being somewhat really challenging.  Coming off of a high is never easy or pleasing.  So, to forewarn you on here, I may come across a little B@*%^Y sometimes, but it is just to keep it real for me.

So, here's to 2012.  I hope at the end of it I will be able to tell you I  have gained victory in the area of eating and weight loss.  I hope to be able to say I am fit, active, energetic, happy, and confident.  Not because I did something miraculous myself, but because I added Christ to the equation.  I long to be completely satisfied in Him and to know Him intimately.  I long to see this area of my life as sin, and to truly repent of it (I go to food for pleasure and comfort, to me that is an area of sin that I do know the Lord has convicted me of) and I need to change.  Tomorrow I will weigh in and hopefully keep better about writing in this this year!