I stood at a small little shop yesterday as my kids got to pick out a little treat.
I paced up and down the candy bar isle...grabbing this one, and that on and reading the nutrition on the back.
I love peanut butter and chocolate together and there is a new peanut butter snickers that I have been dying to try. I grabbed it, certain that I was going to get it, after all I hadn't had a candy bar in a long time. Then I read the nutrition, 250 cals for two little scares of delight. Worth it or not?
I prayed, Lord please take this craving away.
I set it down and then looked at the York patties and a few others. I wish I could say I was strong enough that I didn't buy anything. But, I did make a better choice. I bought a dark chocolate bar and ate only two scares from it. After all, dark chocolate does have antioxidants and I knew that two small squares would satisfy the craving I had for chocolate, and it did! However, I am still having to learn that when I crave something like that, why I am craving it and do I NEED it. I don't think I always do and part of my sinfulness is running again and again to my cravings for yummy tasting stuff rather than to my God.
Sometimes this battle with weight and the scale seems unending and it probably always be. It was a mentally discouraging week for me. My mind wasn't strong and I was consumed with the fact that last Monday the scale went back up to 188. I just couldn't shake it. I've been trying so hard and to think that MORE effort is going to be what it takes to keep dropping numbers seems a daunting task. I am trying hard to remind myself that this journey is long, that the number isn't what it is about. That for me, it is about getting healthy so I can life a full long life and most importantly for me, that I can learn to glorify God with the choices I make about food.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Frustrated
Yea, that's me. FRUSTRATED. No weight loss this week on the scale and I honestly have no idea why. It actually went up. Pretty bummed about it, but have to remember that it isn't in the number right? It's a journey to getting healthy and as long as I am learning to make good choices that is what is important. Easier said than done...
Saturday, February 5, 2011
My week
It's been a good week other than the fact that I have been sick.
I have got to learn how to manage life when things get more complicated or my schedule doesn't work as planned. I did great last week, eating, working out, seemed to flow so smoothly.
Then this week hit, two days with sick kids home= me not working out. THEN, I get sick=not working out. My rhythm has been interrupted and it gets frustrating and discouraging how to navigate. I haven't given up though. I am still pushin through and hopefully health will be my friend again next week. Because I do not like it when my plans don't work out accordingly.
In the past, I would have thrown the towel in and given up completely. I would have allowed myself to indulge in the foods I love and crave because "it was out of my control" however, that is not truth. Truth is that I DO have control over what gets put into this chicks mouth. I may not have control over sickness, health, work out schedules all the time, but the one thing I do have control over is what I allow to enter this body. And I am proudly telling you that I did good for the most part. I did eat like 6 small chocolates one day while preparing the kids Valentine for their teachers. BUT, I STOPPED at 6! Before, I would have just kept on going. But, I did think about those chocolates all day long...and had to remind myself to think on Jesus. He is truly what my soul craves more of. I am learning this.
I told you I was reading a new book. Made to Crave. I just started it and she says something in it that really sums things up for me..
"Honestly, I am made for more than a vicious cycle of eating, gaining, stressing-eating, gaining stressing...I am made to rise up, do battle with my issues and, using the Lord's strength in me, defeat them-spiritually, physically, and mentally-to the glory of God."
I love that! That is so true. And slowly, I am learning it.
After looking back at all my weights I am glad to say that it's been a slow and steady journey down. This last year I actually got back up to 199 and that's when I began to panic. I had honestly worked so hard to get under the 200lb. mark and the fact that it was staring so closely at me was scary. That for me is really when my heart was having to be dealt with and God began to grab hold of me. I didn't want to keep dieting. I wanted to grow closer to Him and not go to food to fill every emotion that I was feeling. I wanted Him to fill it. It's still a daily struggle, but something that I am so thankful for because in realizing this truth, I really feel that I am on the way to truly being an over comer.
I have got to learn how to manage life when things get more complicated or my schedule doesn't work as planned. I did great last week, eating, working out, seemed to flow so smoothly.
Then this week hit, two days with sick kids home= me not working out. THEN, I get sick=not working out. My rhythm has been interrupted and it gets frustrating and discouraging how to navigate. I haven't given up though. I am still pushin through and hopefully health will be my friend again next week. Because I do not like it when my plans don't work out accordingly.
In the past, I would have thrown the towel in and given up completely. I would have allowed myself to indulge in the foods I love and crave because "it was out of my control" however, that is not truth. Truth is that I DO have control over what gets put into this chicks mouth. I may not have control over sickness, health, work out schedules all the time, but the one thing I do have control over is what I allow to enter this body. And I am proudly telling you that I did good for the most part. I did eat like 6 small chocolates one day while preparing the kids Valentine for their teachers. BUT, I STOPPED at 6! Before, I would have just kept on going. But, I did think about those chocolates all day long...and had to remind myself to think on Jesus. He is truly what my soul craves more of. I am learning this.
I told you I was reading a new book. Made to Crave. I just started it and she says something in it that really sums things up for me..
"Honestly, I am made for more than a vicious cycle of eating, gaining, stressing-eating, gaining stressing...I am made to rise up, do battle with my issues and, using the Lord's strength in me, defeat them-spiritually, physically, and mentally-to the glory of God."
I love that! That is so true. And slowly, I am learning it.
After looking back at all my weights I am glad to say that it's been a slow and steady journey down. This last year I actually got back up to 199 and that's when I began to panic. I had honestly worked so hard to get under the 200lb. mark and the fact that it was staring so closely at me was scary. That for me is really when my heart was having to be dealt with and God began to grab hold of me. I didn't want to keep dieting. I wanted to grow closer to Him and not go to food to fill every emotion that I was feeling. I wanted Him to fill it. It's still a daily struggle, but something that I am so thankful for because in realizing this truth, I really feel that I am on the way to truly being an over comer.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Updating
It is now February of 2011. It has been awhile since posting, but I am now trying hard to keep up on it.
I have been meeting with 3 other women on a consistent basis. We all struggle with food, overeating, and the addiction that it is. We just finished a great book Love to Eat, Hate to Eat: Breaking the Bondage of Destructive Eating Habits, By Elyse Fitzpatrick. http://www.shop.elysefitzpatrick.com/Love-to-Eat-Hate-to-Eat-LEHE-BK.htm .It is a great book and really took me to a new place when I look at this journey to lose weigth. It isn't so much about losing weight, although that is the natural benefit. It's that I always put food before God and that becomes my idol. When I am stressed, happy, sad, anxious, bored, tired, etc. the first thing I want to do is eat, not run to the King of Kings and be filled with Him. This book addresses this issue and it is so good. Very hard at times, but also very good for someone like me, who depends on the comfort that food brings. It was really never meant to do that for me. Food is for fuel, nutrition. It's meant to keep me going, to keep me living. It's supposed to be enjoyed, but not over indulged. We are next moving onto a new book and study. Made to Crave, By Lysa Terkeurst (madetocrave.org). Check it out. It's good stuff!
Anyways, I have come to realize more and more that this journey to weight loss isn't about numbers and pounds shed. It's about becoming intimately close to Jesus and learning to run to Him when I feel the need to over stuff. It's a journey of making the right choices. Taking on life and going to the cross when it gets difficult and not just about bending the elbow to stuff food in my mouth. I know that sounds kind of funny, but for a girl like me. It's my addiction. This thing called Food. You can't live without it which makes it all the more challenging to overcome. But in the process of meeting with these ladies and getting into the Word more, I am slowly learning. I am losing the pounds, eating way more fruits and veggies than I have in the past and learning to eat correctly. It isn't mastered. I make many bad choices, but it's a work in progress.
I am down to 186.4 as of Monday. It's taken me a while to get there. I feel great though and just look forward to shedding even more.
I have been meeting with 3 other women on a consistent basis. We all struggle with food, overeating, and the addiction that it is. We just finished a great book Love to Eat, Hate to Eat: Breaking the Bondage of Destructive Eating Habits, By Elyse Fitzpatrick. http://www.shop.elysefitzpatrick.com/Love-to-Eat-Hate-to-Eat-LEHE-BK.htm .It is a great book and really took me to a new place when I look at this journey to lose weigth. It isn't so much about losing weight, although that is the natural benefit. It's that I always put food before God and that becomes my idol. When I am stressed, happy, sad, anxious, bored, tired, etc. the first thing I want to do is eat, not run to the King of Kings and be filled with Him. This book addresses this issue and it is so good. Very hard at times, but also very good for someone like me, who depends on the comfort that food brings. It was really never meant to do that for me. Food is for fuel, nutrition. It's meant to keep me going, to keep me living. It's supposed to be enjoyed, but not over indulged. We are next moving onto a new book and study. Made to Crave, By Lysa Terkeurst (madetocrave.org). Check it out. It's good stuff!
Anyways, I have come to realize more and more that this journey to weight loss isn't about numbers and pounds shed. It's about becoming intimately close to Jesus and learning to run to Him when I feel the need to over stuff. It's a journey of making the right choices. Taking on life and going to the cross when it gets difficult and not just about bending the elbow to stuff food in my mouth. I know that sounds kind of funny, but for a girl like me. It's my addiction. This thing called Food. You can't live without it which makes it all the more challenging to overcome. But in the process of meeting with these ladies and getting into the Word more, I am slowly learning. I am losing the pounds, eating way more fruits and veggies than I have in the past and learning to eat correctly. It isn't mastered. I make many bad choices, but it's a work in progress.
I am down to 186.4 as of Monday. It's taken me a while to get there. I feel great though and just look forward to shedding even more.
Friday, September 18, 2009
still here...
Just in case you ever check this I am still trying to lose this weight and change my lifestyle. It definately has not been easy nor has it happened as fast as I would have liked it to. As of today I am down 23.6 pounds since January 1st. I was hoping to be down much further than that by now, but it has been gradual and I am actually ok with that. I think doing it really slow has helped me to actually not gain. I am giving my body time to adjust so I don't feel like I am starving as I lose more. I am thankful that slowly I am learning how to eat healthy and make wise choices. It isn't always easy and I don't always succeed, but I am doing it little by little. My goal is to be at 185 by Oct. 1st. and by November 20th, to be at 170. Those are my # goals, but I am not focussing so much on the number as much as I am to what I am eating and physically doing. The numbers will come eventually. Well, I love you my sister. Keep pushing through. We can accomplish this....
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