Monday, February 14, 2011

I have been at the computer for a bit this morning catching up on all of my favorite blogs.  I want to make mine look nice and be more.  I waste too much time though.  I still need to exercise, go to the store, get my mom a valentine, and yet here I am at the computer. 

I had an ok week.  To be honest it was tiring.  My motivation for exercising has lessened even though I am still running. I think I go in phases.  I know that once I get out there and do something I will feel better, but just doing it takes way more effort that it used to ( two weeks ago) haha!  It's good to write because then I can see for myself how up and down I am. I can see patterns that plague me.  Yea, I must be pmsing...I feelthis way about once a month.  I need to remind myself of that today.  I may not feel like doing what I know I need to do, I just need to do it without thinking about it.  Does that make sense? OK, glad.

Eating wasn't so great.  My man and I went out on Saturday night, and  I overstuffed myself with food that night.  Then the next morning we had some company over and had a huge breakfast.  I started out making good choices then my mid afternoon I just gave in.  I really need to grow in this area.  I want to be a woman who is disciplined.  That values her life and what goes into her body.  Not just what I think tastes good and satisfying.  Usually, it just leaves me feeling miserable. 

Well, it's a new week.  I weighed in this morning at 187.2.  I am going to try really hard this week to see that number go down to at least 185.  I don't want to set myself up for failure, but man, I really would like to be in the low 180's for once.  I get stuck and have been stuck for weeks now.  That means something in my eating needs to changed.  I HATE change.  I want to eat what I want when I want and I don't want to feel hungry at all.  However, the reality is, that if I don't I will only continue to see results that leave me feeling like a failure.  It takes work.  HARD WORK!  I don't like it.  But, I need it. 

Lord, I pray that you would help me today to make good choices for me.  That you would pour out your grace upon my life and show me your mercy.  Give me the tools I need to make choices that glorify you.  I want to live my life for you, to love you more than I love the comforts of food.  It is not an easy one to break, running to food for all sorts of things.  My idol.  I pray you'd help it to come crushing down, that you would convict me when I choose something else over you and that in the process you'd draw my heart closer and closer to yours. amen.

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