Yes. It feels horrible, but I do feel guilty about the food choices of yesterday and the day before. No self control and really if I am brutally honest, not even a desire to make the right choices. Just a "who cares" attitude. It's so wrong. And the scale will prove it. I don't even want to write what I weighed this morning, but I guess I should just to face it. 189. I don't get it really. It is not like I have been eating bad all week. I have even been working out, but for some reason that stupid scale keeps going up.
My confession is that yesterday, despite the voices in my head and heart telling me, rather shouting to me, NO...I wanted chocolate chip cookies. I drove to the store, bought some veggies that I would need the rest of the week, wandered over to the bakery and yes, grabbed two large chocolate chip cookies and downed them on the way home. Yes, I loved the taste, but the feeling afterward-so not worth it. Really sucks. The really bad thing is that the whole time I knew it was wrong. I knew that the Lord didn't want me to do it, but in that moment I really didn't care. That was my attitude. Such sinfulness in my heart that I would willingly turn away from God in the moment of temptation.
I can say it was a bit of a wake up call. A reality check that I still have not arrived and that I am still so very tempted to indulge in the stuff that I crave more at times than I crave God. Not a good place to be. Feeling discouraged, a bit depressed, but when I get done writing this, I will be hitting the treadmill and starting over. Today is a new day. My eating choices need to change, the amount I consume needs to change, but ultimately my heart and the voices in my head need to change. I need to be consumed with truth, with the word of God, with his thoughts towards me.
Slowly, very slowly I am getting it. I have far to go. But it is happening.