I have been reading this blog called Peak313Fitness. It seems to be good timing that I clicked on it this morning. I met with a friend yesterday and talked about the discouraged feelings I had because I have kind of hit a wall. I did this trying to get under 200 lbs. It seemed to take me forever to break that barrier when I had tried. I did it, but I really had to change things up a bit. Now, I am having a really hard time getting out of the 180's. Another wall. UGH. But I was talking to her about feeling like I needed to change things up again and do something different, but I wasn't sure what it was. She gave me some great ideas, and then I clicked on Peak313Fitness this morning and feel like I got another great idea from Clare.
This week she is challenging her readers to start the day off eating Quinoa. I have been looking for ways to change up what I am doing because I have not lost much weight in weeks and have seemed to hit a plateau. I really like this idea. It's packed with protein and good stuff for you. Hopefully it will be filling and help me get my day off to a full great start. I like learning new ideas. I need to mix things up a bit and hopefully this will help. Click on the link above to get a better idea and more details to the benefits of Quinoa!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
The Naked Truth
I find myself often WANTING to write. But then stop myself as if nothing important will come. I don't know why it is that I fear what people think. That I won't have more to say. Something profound. Something deep. Keeping myself anonymous. Maybe one day I will get over this fear. I pray I do. I don't understand it completely. I want to write freely. Journal. But, I also don't want it to be revealed how weak I truly am. How often I truly depend on myself rather than God. How much I focus on my little world, rather than His world. It is true, and it is a painful reality.
I have been so challenged lately to be a woman who really knows and lives the word of truth. Who intimately knows Jesus and loves him and longs for him. That I would truly be a woman who finds it far more important to be in communion with him rather than focused on the next piece of food that enters my mouth.
You see, long before the food of choice enters my mouth, it enters my mind. I have this horrible habit of preparing ahead of time all the unhealthy choices in my head. I love the taste of food that is not beneficial to my body. I love the thought of eating it. OH..the chocolate chip cookies. It consumes my thoughts, especially if I am trying to avoid it and be healthy for the day. I will create excuses or reasons in my head why I need to go to certain grocery stores just because I know which ones offer the best bakery cookies I crave. That is the naked truth. I will go out of my way to satisfy the food craving.
I long to do that with the king. I was challenged deeply with scripture the other day. I think about food ALL the time. Whether it is dwelling on what meal to make next for my family, or what I crave, or what I shouldn't be eating, it is always haunting my mind.
And then i came across this scripture. Romans 8:5 "For those who live according to the flesh, set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit."
The word is telling me to set my mind on the things of the Spirit. I have been living according to the flesh! Ouch! I need to get control of my mind and my thoughts and focus them on the truths of scripture and what it says about me. My weakness is great. But truly I desire to be a woman of change, a woman of joy, a woman who is after the kings heart, a woman of noble character, a woman who is disciplined and self controlled, a woman with peace and strength, a woman who is Godly in all ways. Not to bring glory to myself, but to bring glory to the most high-the king of kings! He has redeemed my life from the pit. He DIED for me. He stood in my place. I want Him to receive the glory and honor that is due!
I am considering going on a cleanse/fast and I am scared out of my mind to do it. I haven't fasted, truly fasted from anything since I was pregnant with my firstborn. That's 11 years ago. But, after this last week I have realized just how utterly dependent upon food that I am for so many areas of my life. Be it boredom, stress, joy, depression, anxiety, comfort, etc. I run to food. I am so challenged to learn to run to God. To satisfy my desires with Him. To crave Him. And with Easter approaching it seems fitting to get my heart right and learn how to truly depend on Him. If I CAN'T run to food, what will I be forced to do? My relationship with food is unhealthy. It has control over me. I want to rid myself of it's power and fasting and cleansing myself of all the toxins may begin the next stage of my journey. I am praying about it. I wouldn't be doing it to lose weight. I would be doing it because I realize just how stinking much I think, need, want, crave food more than God and I need to get my heart right. If I remove it completely, maybe He can grab a hold of my heart just a little more. Maybe I will learn to depend on God in new ways, maybe the negative relationship I have with food won't have it's hold on my life like it has. I don't know. I am praying about it. I am scared about doing it, because I am a grump when I am hungry or don't get what I want. But, I want God to grab a hold of my heart. I NEED HIM DESPERATELY!
I have been so challenged lately to be a woman who really knows and lives the word of truth. Who intimately knows Jesus and loves him and longs for him. That I would truly be a woman who finds it far more important to be in communion with him rather than focused on the next piece of food that enters my mouth.
You see, long before the food of choice enters my mouth, it enters my mind. I have this horrible habit of preparing ahead of time all the unhealthy choices in my head. I love the taste of food that is not beneficial to my body. I love the thought of eating it. OH..the chocolate chip cookies. It consumes my thoughts, especially if I am trying to avoid it and be healthy for the day. I will create excuses or reasons in my head why I need to go to certain grocery stores just because I know which ones offer the best bakery cookies I crave. That is the naked truth. I will go out of my way to satisfy the food craving.
I long to do that with the king. I was challenged deeply with scripture the other day. I think about food ALL the time. Whether it is dwelling on what meal to make next for my family, or what I crave, or what I shouldn't be eating, it is always haunting my mind.
And then i came across this scripture. Romans 8:5 "For those who live according to the flesh, set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit."
The word is telling me to set my mind on the things of the Spirit. I have been living according to the flesh! Ouch! I need to get control of my mind and my thoughts and focus them on the truths of scripture and what it says about me. My weakness is great. But truly I desire to be a woman of change, a woman of joy, a woman who is after the kings heart, a woman of noble character, a woman who is disciplined and self controlled, a woman with peace and strength, a woman who is Godly in all ways. Not to bring glory to myself, but to bring glory to the most high-the king of kings! He has redeemed my life from the pit. He DIED for me. He stood in my place. I want Him to receive the glory and honor that is due!
I am considering going on a cleanse/fast and I am scared out of my mind to do it. I haven't fasted, truly fasted from anything since I was pregnant with my firstborn. That's 11 years ago. But, after this last week I have realized just how utterly dependent upon food that I am for so many areas of my life. Be it boredom, stress, joy, depression, anxiety, comfort, etc. I run to food. I am so challenged to learn to run to God. To satisfy my desires with Him. To crave Him. And with Easter approaching it seems fitting to get my heart right and learn how to truly depend on Him. If I CAN'T run to food, what will I be forced to do? My relationship with food is unhealthy. It has control over me. I want to rid myself of it's power and fasting and cleansing myself of all the toxins may begin the next stage of my journey. I am praying about it. I wouldn't be doing it to lose weight. I would be doing it because I realize just how stinking much I think, need, want, crave food more than God and I need to get my heart right. If I remove it completely, maybe He can grab a hold of my heart just a little more. Maybe I will learn to depend on God in new ways, maybe the negative relationship I have with food won't have it's hold on my life like it has. I don't know. I am praying about it. I am scared about doing it, because I am a grump when I am hungry or don't get what I want. But, I want God to grab a hold of my heart. I NEED HIM DESPERATELY!
Friday, April 1, 2011
It's been a little while since writing. I am not good at this blog thing and keeping up on it.
I met with the girls last night. My accountability group. The girls who keep me on my toes, who are in this struggle with me and understand it completely. We get together, do a book study, talk, discuss our weights, etc. It's really good and refreshing for me meeting with them. It's a reminder that this is a battle, and not to give up and stop fighting. I am surely not on a diet, but a spiritual journey. I was reminded last night that it's a spiritual commitment, not a diet. A commitment that I want to learn to glorify God in. It gets hard trying to figure it out at times. I mean, glorifying God in WHAT WE EAT? Seriously? YES! For, someone like me who has turned to food all her life as a means to comfort, entertain, ease, etc...it has always been about running to the comfort that food brings rather than running to the throne of Grace and true comfort. All I can say is I am learning. It is definitely a journey, and I fail almost every day in some way or another. But, I long to be more like Jesus, and if it means that he is doing some refining and awakening in my soul to get me there, I will go through this process to learn, to be humble, and to grow more in Him.
I am running a half marathon on Sunday!!! It's my first one ever. I am excited, nervous, anxious, and if I think about it too hard I literally get an upset tummy! I have been training for it though. I know I am prepared as much as I can be, and it will be ok. It's a HUGE accomplishment for me. Just a few months ago it killed me to run 6 miles. So the fact that I am and can do twice that much is so exciting for me. When I was even in my best shape of my life in high school, I couldn't run that far!
I haven't been keeping track of the number on the scale. I took a break from it. I get so upset or excited all based on what the number is and it was just too consuming. I plan on weighing again after my big run!
Well, that is the latest in my world. Still in this, still in this fight, still wresting thoughts and temptations to eat non nourishing foods, daily. Some days are great, other days I give in. I am pushing through. Not giving up and still hoping to be at my goal weight by the end of July!
I met with the girls last night. My accountability group. The girls who keep me on my toes, who are in this struggle with me and understand it completely. We get together, do a book study, talk, discuss our weights, etc. It's really good and refreshing for me meeting with them. It's a reminder that this is a battle, and not to give up and stop fighting. I am surely not on a diet, but a spiritual journey. I was reminded last night that it's a spiritual commitment, not a diet. A commitment that I want to learn to glorify God in. It gets hard trying to figure it out at times. I mean, glorifying God in WHAT WE EAT? Seriously? YES! For, someone like me who has turned to food all her life as a means to comfort, entertain, ease, etc...it has always been about running to the comfort that food brings rather than running to the throne of Grace and true comfort. All I can say is I am learning. It is definitely a journey, and I fail almost every day in some way or another. But, I long to be more like Jesus, and if it means that he is doing some refining and awakening in my soul to get me there, I will go through this process to learn, to be humble, and to grow more in Him.
I am running a half marathon on Sunday!!! It's my first one ever. I am excited, nervous, anxious, and if I think about it too hard I literally get an upset tummy! I have been training for it though. I know I am prepared as much as I can be, and it will be ok. It's a HUGE accomplishment for me. Just a few months ago it killed me to run 6 miles. So the fact that I am and can do twice that much is so exciting for me. When I was even in my best shape of my life in high school, I couldn't run that far!
I haven't been keeping track of the number on the scale. I took a break from it. I get so upset or excited all based on what the number is and it was just too consuming. I plan on weighing again after my big run!
Well, that is the latest in my world. Still in this, still in this fight, still wresting thoughts and temptations to eat non nourishing foods, daily. Some days are great, other days I give in. I am pushing through. Not giving up and still hoping to be at my goal weight by the end of July!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Thursday's Thoughts
Today I reflect on my week.
I want to eat so much. So much junk. I crave chocolate, brownies, cookies, ice cream, all that is sweet and satisfying.
I get caught in the battle and don't know how to keep moving forward. How to be hungry? How to deprive? How to make good choices? How to crave healthy choices? Ultimately how to allow God to fill me more?
I have worked out hard this week. A feeling of accomplishment around me in that area, but then I look down, when seated, and see the huge roll hanging over my pants. Is it worth all this work? To not see the pounds dropping? Friends around me, in the same struggle, dropping sizes, pounds, inches..and me, well there just doesn't seem to be the same results.
What needs to change? Will this weight EVER come off? Will I ever be at my goal weight of 155? Is that even possible for someone like me?
It's so hard today. To not get caught up in discouragement. After all, I did a kick butt workout this morning with Bob and Jillian on DVD and should be feeling great! I was sweating hard. It was dripping off my body. I ate a great healthy breakfast and lunch. Why still plagued with discouragement? I don't always understand it. I don't get it. I really don't. I need to.
What I need to understand is that this process needs to be more about who I am in Christ rather than who I am in clothes, or no clothes and a certain size. But, it's so consuming. Thinking that way. Trying to learn to focus this journey about Christ -well it isn't always very easy.
I do believe one day I will be at my goal weight. But, it will be when I stop trying to please myself and stop trying to get approval from those around me. You know, all the "wow, you look so great! What have you been doing?" comments. Yea, I seem to value those a little more than I value the way my father looks at me. I know, pretty shallow. But for me, I do believe that one day, when I get my focus right, my pride gone, and trust...trust in the power of the cross, then it will click and it will happen.
Such is the journey. A journey means: process of development: a gradual passing from one state to another regarded as more advanced, e.g. from innocence to mature awareness. I need to get to that mature awareness. It is coming.
I am excited to start my book study, MADE TO CRAVE. I am excited to get rooted in the word, to be challenged with the way I think. To begin to look at this journey through the eyes of Jesus and what He thinks rather than my own opinions, desires, struggles, and joys. I want to glorify Him! I know she will have a lot of tools in her book to help me and to set my focus on the right things.
But, as of today, I have to admit discouragement is following me. I need to recognize and learn to be thankful for the so many blessings I have in my life. Lord, Help me to focus on the thousand tiny little blessings in my life and let my discouragement be replaced with joy! For I do have so much to be grateful for and this journey is not complete. I am in process, I am working hard, and I am not giving up!
I want to eat so much. So much junk. I crave chocolate, brownies, cookies, ice cream, all that is sweet and satisfying.
I get caught in the battle and don't know how to keep moving forward. How to be hungry? How to deprive? How to make good choices? How to crave healthy choices? Ultimately how to allow God to fill me more?
I have worked out hard this week. A feeling of accomplishment around me in that area, but then I look down, when seated, and see the huge roll hanging over my pants. Is it worth all this work? To not see the pounds dropping? Friends around me, in the same struggle, dropping sizes, pounds, inches..and me, well there just doesn't seem to be the same results.
What needs to change? Will this weight EVER come off? Will I ever be at my goal weight of 155? Is that even possible for someone like me?
It's so hard today. To not get caught up in discouragement. After all, I did a kick butt workout this morning with Bob and Jillian on DVD and should be feeling great! I was sweating hard. It was dripping off my body. I ate a great healthy breakfast and lunch. Why still plagued with discouragement? I don't always understand it. I don't get it. I really don't. I need to.
What I need to understand is that this process needs to be more about who I am in Christ rather than who I am in clothes, or no clothes and a certain size. But, it's so consuming. Thinking that way. Trying to learn to focus this journey about Christ -well it isn't always very easy.
I do believe one day I will be at my goal weight. But, it will be when I stop trying to please myself and stop trying to get approval from those around me. You know, all the "wow, you look so great! What have you been doing?" comments. Yea, I seem to value those a little more than I value the way my father looks at me. I know, pretty shallow. But for me, I do believe that one day, when I get my focus right, my pride gone, and trust...trust in the power of the cross, then it will click and it will happen.
Such is the journey. A journey means: process of development: a gradual passing from one state to another regarded as more advanced, e.g. from innocence to mature awareness. I need to get to that mature awareness. It is coming.
I am excited to start my book study, MADE TO CRAVE. I am excited to get rooted in the word, to be challenged with the way I think. To begin to look at this journey through the eyes of Jesus and what He thinks rather than my own opinions, desires, struggles, and joys. I want to glorify Him! I know she will have a lot of tools in her book to help me and to set my focus on the right things.
But, as of today, I have to admit discouragement is following me. I need to recognize and learn to be thankful for the so many blessings I have in my life. Lord, Help me to focus on the thousand tiny little blessings in my life and let my discouragement be replaced with joy! For I do have so much to be grateful for and this journey is not complete. I am in process, I am working hard, and I am not giving up!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Feeling Guilty
Yes. It feels horrible, but I do feel guilty about the food choices of yesterday and the day before. No self control and really if I am brutally honest, not even a desire to make the right choices. Just a "who cares" attitude. It's so wrong. And the scale will prove it. I don't even want to write what I weighed this morning, but I guess I should just to face it. 189. I don't get it really. It is not like I have been eating bad all week. I have even been working out, but for some reason that stupid scale keeps going up.
My confession is that yesterday, despite the voices in my head and heart telling me, rather shouting to me, NO...I wanted chocolate chip cookies. I drove to the store, bought some veggies that I would need the rest of the week, wandered over to the bakery and yes, grabbed two large chocolate chip cookies and downed them on the way home. Yes, I loved the taste, but the feeling afterward-so not worth it. Really sucks. The really bad thing is that the whole time I knew it was wrong. I knew that the Lord didn't want me to do it, but in that moment I really didn't care. That was my attitude. Such sinfulness in my heart that I would willingly turn away from God in the moment of temptation.
I can say it was a bit of a wake up call. A reality check that I still have not arrived and that I am still so very tempted to indulge in the stuff that I crave more at times than I crave God. Not a good place to be. Feeling discouraged, a bit depressed, but when I get done writing this, I will be hitting the treadmill and starting over. Today is a new day. My eating choices need to change, the amount I consume needs to change, but ultimately my heart and the voices in my head need to change. I need to be consumed with truth, with the word of God, with his thoughts towards me.
Slowly, very slowly I am getting it. I have far to go. But it is happening.
My confession is that yesterday, despite the voices in my head and heart telling me, rather shouting to me, NO...I wanted chocolate chip cookies. I drove to the store, bought some veggies that I would need the rest of the week, wandered over to the bakery and yes, grabbed two large chocolate chip cookies and downed them on the way home. Yes, I loved the taste, but the feeling afterward-so not worth it. Really sucks. The really bad thing is that the whole time I knew it was wrong. I knew that the Lord didn't want me to do it, but in that moment I really didn't care. That was my attitude. Such sinfulness in my heart that I would willingly turn away from God in the moment of temptation.
I can say it was a bit of a wake up call. A reality check that I still have not arrived and that I am still so very tempted to indulge in the stuff that I crave more at times than I crave God. Not a good place to be. Feeling discouraged, a bit depressed, but when I get done writing this, I will be hitting the treadmill and starting over. Today is a new day. My eating choices need to change, the amount I consume needs to change, but ultimately my heart and the voices in my head need to change. I need to be consumed with truth, with the word of God, with his thoughts towards me.
Slowly, very slowly I am getting it. I have far to go. But it is happening.
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